Victoria Olayiwola Blog #9: The Great Debate-Pub vs Pri

 

What is private? Whatever you deem you can’t share with the community, I suppose. 

 And

What is public? Whatever you believe you can share with the community. Your stories, your ideas, your dreams, your hopes, your loves, your hates, your likes, your dislikes…You. Your background, your history. You.

For me, what is private are the things I choose not to share, things that just can’t be shared. Scars that have not healed wounds that are still open and yet with the advice given that sharing helps with the healing process, I can’t bring myself to do it, unless there is a good cause for to share.

  

These are the things that mean a lot to me and can’t be said to everyone and anyone. Other than that I have tried to be as open and as forthright as I can be with the community, even though I was not raised that-to make your information public. I see that the value of being open and forthright far outweighs the value of being conservative and reserved. There is so much power in sharing stories and hearing stories. And there are great lessons to learn from being able to understand another’s story, where they come from and why they think the way they do. Also there is so much potential and scope for shaping one’s mind through the power of words and conversations. Take for example the apartheid system, whites feared the danger potential of blacks and blacks feared the system whites had put in place. Ultimately a system of violence, anger and terror was perpetuated because there was a lack of communication between both sides: whites kept suppressing blacks because they feared the unknown and blacks kept rebelling because of the systems in whites put in place. So you see a vicious cycle emerge where blacks are angry because of the systems in play and not because black people are inherently angry people. If only the white South Afrikaners had taken time to understand their fellow brothers and sisters. If only! That’s all we can say, so sorrowfully.

   

Take for another example…one more personal and private, but I’ll share…a William and Mary student, who I had/ve fallen in love with and because of a serious misunderstanding, our cultural nuances, my stupidity and most importantly a breakdown in conversation…I must now avoid, never approach or talk to. My heart still hungers after x but there is no way of x knowing what x feels, whether x knows how I feel or whether there is a chance of reconciliation. All I can do is see x and think about all the things I wish I had said or could say…but can’t. The communication lines have now closed. Our conversations have been severed. Whatever ties that were in existence have died a long and painful death many weeks ago. The point of this story is to stress communication is crucial; its importance can never be overstated. 

Communication. Its power can never be diminished. 

I prefer not to hold back my views and my stories because I believe that one gives as much as ones takes. If I refuse to share, then others can refuse to share with me too. At the end of the day we will be none the wiser should we refuse to engage in conversations. I do most of my sharing through my blogs. I see them as a great way to release all the feelings and emotions I have during the week. At times I feel like I should hold back or that I have said too much or put too much out there, but after I say to myself no….no I think what I put out there is measured and if it can help somebody then why shouldn’t I put it out there. Why shouldn’t I share the lessons of life I have been opportuned to learn? Why not share my diverse emotions? Why not share the English and African perspectives I have formulated? Why not?

 
 

I feel like the presentations of film choices by those within our community has played a part in revealing a part of everyone’s self and the issues that are important to each person who has presented. Matt, for example chose to talk about illegal immigrants because that is an issue that is close to him- he had a friend who was an illegal immigrant, Matt was opportuned to come face to face with the plight of a family that was illegally in America, opportunity not many of us are afforded.

Sarah chose to focus on Refugees from the Sudan region of Africa. She chose to do this because she had worked with a charitable organization and wanted to share what she had learnt with the community. Lastly; Colleen chose to focus on homosexuality in Iran and within Islam because it is not she felt it is an elephant in the room that is not being discussed in the depth that it should be discussed. But she wanted the community to delve deeper into this topic of discussion. She wanted our views on it.

I feel that as we are getting to know each other overtime and as most people are sharing their views and stories, the line between private and public are weakening and are almost thinning out, so that what was once private has now become public. I also feel that through people’s film choices, they are communicating private matters that are of pertinence to them to us the public, I feel we as a community, through this action, are thus blurring the lines between what is private and what is public and that can only be a good thing. 

I feel like for Americans putting the nation first has always been in the forefront of their minds. I feel like American schoolchildren have been taught in school and at home that they have to be proud of their nation, they have been taught to internalize what it means to be nationalistic and patriotic and loyal. I think the desire for Americans to know their place in the world and the meaning of their country has become all the more important because of world events such as the Cold War, which made many Americans reestablish within themselves what it means to be American and how essential and important America is to their private life.

  

Whereas for me, Britain is not at the center of what I do, the way I think and the way I act. I love my country and being far away from it has only made my longing for it all the more visible to me. But besides supporting Britain in football matches, cricket and ruby tournaments, Britain plays a very little role in my personal life. This view of Britain is only exacerbated  by the fact that I haven’t been taught at school what it means to be British neither has Britain been in world events that have triggered a desire in me to make Britain anymore integral to my private life than it already is.

I wouldn’t die or fight for my country, in America I would be seen as traitor but in Britain some may understand why I have come to such a conclusion. In fact you won’t find many British people saying they will die for their country or asking “not what your country can do for you but what you can do for your country".

One can argue that my affinity to Britain is not so strong because my parents are immigrants and so I was never raised with a strong British backbone. I don’t think this is the case. Nationalism and ones sense of nationalistic pride is not and has never been drummed into me. I have never felt the need to be loyal to figure or any government or country and this is because London is made up so many cultures and so many backgrounds. Because of this everyone celebrates their nation how they see fit. This means during the World Cup and/or other tournaments you see many different flags go up and nobody tears them down. Nobody says put up the British flag. Nobody.

However my American friend told me when a British couple moved in to his neighborhood and put up British flag outside their home, Americans got angry and said to each other that the couple is in America now so they should stop putting up that flag. In Britain you don’t have to conform to the norm. Diversity and difference is celebrated and admired by all.

Interestingly raising an America flag makes one look as though they are patriotic but in Britain the same gesture makes someone look as though they are backward, racist and reactionary. Basically being a nationalist in some sense is not a good thing in London.

 

Therein lies the dichotomy. Doing or participating in the same things have different meanings dependent on what country one is in. That is why settling here has been so very difficult for me. I have refused to learn the American way. I have made comments and jokes that are borderline offensive and have never expressed such deep seated nationalistic pride of my country. I have tried to stay away from patriotic and nationalistic students because to me they represent something that is backwards and certainly reactionary. And I disagree with them. America is not the best country in the world it never was and it never will be. Each country should be admired for its differences and for the value it brings to creating the international global community, one in which we all, regardless of background, skin, color or social status should strive to do the best by.