Jamar Jones- Blog #3: Diouana's Demise

The journey of understanding yourself is a long, lifetime process. When the class attended Dr. My Haley’s lecture in February her words truly impacted me. In particular a quote that she shared resonated with me long after the lecture had concluded. “If you don’t know yourself everyone will write on you.” How true is that? Very. I think the reason this statement resonates so strongly is because I currently am attempting to embark on a brand new journey and write my own life book. Our feel our course work in SexyRace is assessing how others define and ‘know’ themselves in their communities through various situations and circumstances.

Diouana’s character in La Noire de… (Black Girl) quickly comes to mind. She unfortunately plays a tragic character in this piece. Diouana was hoping for a better life, and thought the white family she worked for could provide one for her in France. Diouana was thinking that in France she was going to be able to live a life of luxury, and she was preparing herself for this new journey…unfortunately it did not work in her favor. Dr. Haley also said, “Going to meet your dream is overwhelming.” I wonder how it feels to meet your dream and find it to be extraordinarily underwhelming? That was Diouana’s story. Her dream of being in France turned became a prison for her, and her inner growth was stunted and rapidly diminish. Diouana was so unhappy at the treatment of her house mistress that she gave up on write and making her own journey. Others began to write on her. Watching this film, made me think of all the deaths around the world…and I don’t just mean physical deaths like Diouana as well, but spiritual deaths. The people who die on the inside long before their body follows suit. I began to reflect on how we often think something to be a glamorous paradise that quickly turns into the ugliest of locations. Diouana was trapped in her circumstances, trapped in her skin, and trapped in a dream that transformed into a nightmare.

It is so easy to quickly be misled into assuming something is best for you, and it turned out to be completely incorrect. I suppose this is why the journey to understanding thyself takes so long. Seeing Diouana’s demise after she left her family and community was such a sad story…because I can imagine that there are young woman like that in life. Simply trying to write their own stories.